When
Cash was 21 months he was still nursing 7-9 times a night. He was actually
eating maybe 2-3 times and the rest was just comfort nursing to go back to
sleep. Needless to say, I was I'm exhausted. He wasn’t sleeping for more than 2
hours in a row. We decided that we wanted to night wean and tried to limit
night feedings. This only led to Cash screaming, crying and throwing himself
all around the bed for over an hour until I gave in and let him nurse. We tried
for two nights (we're wimps) and ended up giving in after we all were up for
three hours in the middle of the night. Nick tried giving him water, cuddling,
rubbing his back etc. but nothing worked. I was feeling like I was in a
constant state of exhaustion.
We
tried moving his unused crib (now converted into a toddler bed) into our room.
My lactation consultant, who leads a breastfeeding group that we attend,
suggested trying to let him sleep in his own bed to see if he would sleep
longer. So we moved his bed into our room and I nursed him to sleep and then
transferred him to his bed. He slept for two hours and then woke up and called
out for me. I grabbed him, nursed him back to sleep and transferred him again.
He slept for 1 1/2 hours, woke up calling for "wa wa" (water) so Nick
grabbed his sippy and gave it to him in our bed. He drank a bunch of water and
then wanted to nurse. I told him "no more milk until morning" and
"we'll have milk in the morning", this started a two hours crying
phase. He cried, screamed, threw his head back, threw himself around the bed,
asked for more water (which we gave him), pawed at my chest and repeatedly
asked for milk. We rubbed his back, hugged him, cuddled (as best we could) and
told him "no milk right now". He settled down a couple times (for a
couple minutes) but asked for water, drank, cried, repeat. He also said,
"pee" so we got up, took off our dry diaper, peed in the toilet and
got back in bed. He kept asking for milk and crying so finally I gave in around
3:30. He nursed and fell asleep almost immediately. When I tried to pop my
nipple out of his mouth he started crying and saying "oh no, oh no, oh
no".
A
mama in one of my facebook groups had recently night weaned her son, so I
reached out to her for help. She gave me the following advice and it was so eye
opening:
Honestly,
this sounds like a normal "beginning weaning" night. I really think
that if you stick with it you'll see a big improvement. Consistency is really
key though. Abel did all of this the first couple of nights. At this age they
are VERY conditioned to nurse to sleep, but it also doesn't take long for them
to understand "all done with milk". Be consistent for a couple more
nights and see if there's improvement.
Think
of it like this. You are setting a boundary for him. It's an appropriate
boundary for his age and development, one he can understand. But he will have
BIG FEELINGS about this boundary at first. Your job is to be consistent in
implementing this boundary and to give him a safe place to express his
emotions. But don't make his emotions your emotions. Let him feel them, but
don't take them on yourself. He needs to express them as part of the process of
coming to terms with the new boundary. Don't try to comfort and pat him and
sing to him if he's not ready for comfort - just be nearby, creating a safe
space for his expression. Lay quietly, even with your eyes closed, modeling
nighttime behavior to him. Be available for comfort and snuggles when he's
ready, but trying to force that on him before he's ready makes it worse. Of
course get him water and change his diaper if he asks, but just keep repeating your
phrases and telling him it's time to sleep if he's reaching for your chest, and
otherwise lie quietly and let him work through his emotions. Children are
extremely adaptable and accepting of consistent boundaries (as long as they're
developmentally appropriate), but often we undermine ourselves by not being
able to handle their big feelings and not staying firm on the boundary. He'll
figure it out. Be there for him *when* he wants to cuddle, otherwise just let
him process through his feelings. You're not abandoning him, you're not leaving
him alone. You're implementing an appropriate boundary and he simply has to
figure out that it's firm and then work through his angst about it. After that,
he'll accept it and you'll all be sleeping!
He
is so smart and he will absolutely understand!! Be consistent just like daytime
boundaries, like you said. (Although it's harder when it means no sleep for
several nights on end!!) And as always, if in your gut you really feel like
he's not ready for it, stop and try again in a month or two. There's a
difference between "I feel sad that he's crying" and "this seems
too traumatic for him right now, he's not making any progress even though we're
being consistent." With my middle daughter, we tried at 15 months just
like with her two older brothers, and I could tell after a couple consistent
nights of trying that she wasn't ready. We tried again at 18 months and she did
great. I don't ever think we should go against our mommy instincts, but it's
important to discern between a true gut feeling about something not being
right, and just our own unprocessed emotions about their big feelings. I'm
really praying for you and hope tonight goes better!
We took everything to heart and decided to give night
weaning another try. Before we went to bed I told Cash that he could nurse one
time during the night. He woke up at 11:30 and I was going to nurse him but he
didn't ask for milk so we went back to sleep. Then he woke up at 1:30 and
wanted milk so I said "all done with milk, you can have more in the
morning. He cried and fussed a little bit so we just pretended to sleep until
he laid down on me. I cuddled him and rubbed his back until he fell asleep. At
3:20 he woke up and saying "milk, milk", I repeated "all done
with milk" so then he started saying "meat, meat, meat". I said
it's night night time, you can have meat in the morning. Smarty-pants then said
"wa wa, wa wa", we gave him some water and he drank it then laid down
on me holding the water bottle. He cried and fussed a little bit more then
passed out on me. He woke up again at 5:30 and wanted milk and meat but settled
for water and fell asleep after a little crying. At 6:30 he woke up again and
my boobs were super full so I said "it's morning would you like some
milk?" He nursed then and fell back asleep.
I don't think night weaning would have gone as smoothly had
it not been for all of the prayers, encouragement, support and advice from my friend.
On September 10th I woke up and messaged my
friend something that I never thought I would say...Cash SLEPT THROUGH THE
NIGHT!
It felt amazing to actually sleep at night and even more
amazing to know that my son is was finally getting the restorative sleep that
he needed.
